


should i take a leap?

by aurons_fan



Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: M/M, Post-Kingdom Hearts III
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-24
Updated: 2019-09-24
Packaged: 2020-10-27 04:43:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,566
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20754536
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aurons_fan/pseuds/aurons_fan
Summary: Riku tries to move on without Sora but he just feels stuck.





	should i take a leap?

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! So. Um. I've been stuck in writer's block hell for such a long time, and this was the first thing I was able to write in almost a year. So apologies if it's too stream-of-consciousness but I did my best.
> 
> Thank you R for your beta work, especially since you barely know this fandom! And by barely, I mean none at all, and yet you _ consulted the wiki for how to properly write Gummiphone_. I do not deserve the friends I have.
> 
> Enjoy!

It was times like this when Riku thought it was all worth it. All the fighting, all the scars, all the mishaps and whatnot. When he could sleep in on a lazy day, with Sora half-awake in his arms. 

He would give up the world for Sora. 

With a sigh, Riku snuggled in closer, holding the boy even tighter, until he heard a soft squawk.

“Riku!” Sora yelped, the laugh evident on the edge of his voice. “I was trying to _ sleep _! Are you planning on strangling me?”

Riku didn’t roll his eyes, mainly because he knew Sora wouldn’t see it, and gently loosened his grip instead. “I’m just…” he said, his voice going soft. Even Sora stopped fidgeting and tilted his head back. “I’m just so _ fucking _ happy. You’re here. We’re all safe. Everything ended up okay.”

Wriggling, Sora slipped from Riku’s grasp. He didn’t move far, instead turning to face Riku. With a grin, Sora gently touched Riku’s arm. “Of course everything ended up okay! We fought together. We’re a great team. There isn’t anything that could take us down.” Sora leaned closer, and gently bumped heads with Riku. “You didn’t think I was going to leave you alone, did you?”

“No, I just--” RIku started. But he was cut off when Sora leaned closer, gently pressing their lips together. Riku grinned slightly and wrapped his arms around Sora.

And there was really no point in worrying about hypotheticals, when everything was so perfect. Eventually, Yen Sid or Goofy or god help them, _ Donald _, would come into the room to wake them up, but for now, Riku was going to enjoy every moment he could spend with Sora.

\---

Riku’s eyes snapped open.

He took a moment to adjust to the darkness, and after a long while, he let out a sigh and rubbed a hand over his face.

The room was darker than usual, but Riku had grown used to it. He reached over to the other side of the bed, knowing exactly what he would find despite the dream he just had.

Just as he thought - Empty. Cold.

With a practiced sigh, he climbed out of bed and made it, tucking the corners in tightly. Wishing that Sora could just appear in his bed wouldn’t make the boy come back.

If it could, Riku would’ve brought Sora back _ weeks _ ago.

There was a gentle knock at the door. “Riku?” 

The voice sounded like Kairi’s. Riku could pretend and argue that it could've been _ anyone _, but there was only so long he could play that game. 

He sat on the bed and waited until footsteps eventually walked away from his door. Riku would see her, but just… not today. Not now.

\--

Training was basically a farce. After everyone split up, Riku had argued to Yen Sid that he should travel and make sure that Xion and Roxas were up to speed. There were only two Keyblade masters, after all. It wasn’t as though Aqua needed him to keep an eye on Terra or Ventus for her. They had disappeared back to their world, with a smile and a promise to keep in touch.

But after watching Xion and Roxas just… be kids running around Twilight Town with Hayner and the rest, Riku couldn’t force them to pick up their Keyblades and fight again. So he just watched instead, claiming what had somehow become his usual spot outside _ Le Grand Bistrot _. 

Lurking. 

Dammit. He _ was _ lurking, wasn’t he? 

The one benefit was that Scrooge McDuck never charged him for a coffee and pastry, and Riku had been able to spend a lot of time there, trying to figure out his next move.

Namine was currently back at Radiant Garden, with plans to bring her to Twilight Town and assimilate her with the other kids. But they still needed to run a few tests on her, to make sure that she was still okay with her new body.

In all seriousness, Roxas should have gone through those tests as well. Riku had even gone as far as to ask him about it in passing and was given one of the coldest looks that he’d ever gotten from the blond. Which, considering Roxas, was saying something. 

A chair scraped against the ground, and by the time Riku registered what was happening, Lea and Saix were sitting across from him.

Shoot no, Lea and _ Isa _. Dammit, getting used to that was going to be the death of him.

“You’re lurking again,” Lea said, grabbing a piece of the pastry from Riku’s plate. Riku shrugged; it wasn’t like he was going to eat that anyway. “The kids aren’t going to train, so why do you keep coming back? Go do something fun with your life.”

Riku touched the rim of the coffee cup, if only to not look at Isa. He knew Sora would be completely fine dealing with Saix’s Somebody because Sora was a goddamn _ saint _, but Riku wasn’t going to forget watching Sora fight him from a distance at The World That Never Was.

Riku’s chest tightened at the thought of Sora.

With a cough, Riku shoved that out of his mind, forcing himself to look up at Lea. 

“I might as well show up,” Riku said with a small shrug. “If I’m at the tower, I’ll have to check on the worlds, and I’m…” he trailed off a bit before shaking his head. “Call it a vacation. I don’t think I can keep doing training drills day in and day out...”. 

The only person back at the tower to do training drills was Kairi, and it wasn’t like he was abandoning her. She was still training with Yen Sid. She texted him multiple times a day, to make sure he was still alive. And those texts were proof _ she _ was okay, so he didn’t need to physically be present. It was fine.

Hell, he was the one who _ told _ Sora to go and search for her. It wasn’t like Riku thought Sora couldn’t do it - it was _ Sora, _ so duh, of course he could. Riku just thought… they’d both come back. He didn’t think he’d ever forget the look of Kairi stumbling from what looked like a darkness portal, lost and confused... and alone. 

So if Riku retreated, it wasn’t entirely his fault. 

“Kairi is probably obsessively training under Yen Sid!” Lea added, seeming to ignore the funk Riku had dropped into. He hummed, nodding his head. “That sounds like her.” He jumped to his feet and squished his face against Riku’s, much to his disdain. “Smile! She’ll love this.”

There was a flash, and Riku blinked, hoping that he looked somewhat presentable. It didn’t matter to Lea, who hopped up from the table, tapping away at his Gummiphone.

Isa continued to watch him from the table. Riku took a polite sip of his coffee. Neither of them spoke for a long time, long enough that Riku was debating just disappearing from the table, checking his Gummiphone for pictures that Kairi or Aqua might have uploaded, or, hell, vanishing into a hole in the time-space continuum, when Isa finally spoke up.

“You may not blame her, but the way you’re acting makes it seem like you do,” Isa said.

Riku blinked, almost sloshing his coffee over. “Excuse me?”

Isa gestured towards Riku and his phone on the table. “One of them left. One of them came back. You’re a good actor, but, no offense, you’re just a kid.” 

Politely, Riku didn’t sputter his coffee, but it was a damn near thing. It wasn’t like Isa was that much older than him — a few years, if that. But still. _ Kid _. Asshole. 

Isa rolled his eyes. “Anyone with eyes could tell that you miss Sora. But pretending that you’re fine is going to lead you to eventually snapping. And good luck to anyone on the other end of that.”

Without another word, Isa stood, and moved to follow Lea, who was heading in the direction of the clock tower.

Riku stared down at his coffee, drumming his fingers on the table.

He attempted to flag down a waiter for the check, but Scrooge almost body-slammed the waiter out of the way to say that Riku’s food was on the house, _ like always _.

Riku gave a polite smile and headed towards the world’s exit.

He wasn’t going to think about what Isa said. Not one bit.

\--

Sora rested his head on Riku’s chest, playing with his Gummiphone. “We might die tomorrow,” he said, flicking through photos. There was a hilarious one with Donald falling off a mast from Port Royal. Riku had no idea how Sora managed to capture it, but really, it was stunning.

Riku flicked Sora’s arm. “Way to be optimistic,” he said. “We’ll be fine.”

Sora leaned his head back, looking at Riku. “What if something happens to us? Who is going to tell my parents? Who is going to tell everyone on the islands?” Sora suddenly rolled over, maneuvering to kneel over Riku. “What if something happens to you?”

With a sigh, Riku brushed a piece of hair from Sora’s face. “We’ve trained. We’ve practiced. We fight as a unit. And, no offense, but I’m not going to just _ die _ that easily.”

“But it’s _ Xehanort _,” Sora said, eyes wide. “Aqua, Terra, and Ventus barely took him down last time, and look what happened to them!”

Riku sat up, giving Sora a long look. After a moment, Sora deflated, and slumped over.

“I’m just… scared, okay? Like, I know everyone has my back, and I know you’re strong, but what if something were to happen to you or Kairi? You two are my closest friends and you’re all I’ve got left,” Sora said, talking mostly to his chest.

With a sigh, Riku tugged Sora forward and the brunet slumped against him. “How long have you been thinking about this?” Riku asked.

Sora let out a mumble that sounded like “months.” Riku sighed again.

“I’m not saying we’re the strongest, but we’ll be okay. Mickey and Yen Sid wouldn’t send us out like this if they didn’t think we’d be fine.”

“I know, I know,” Sora said. “I’m sorry.” He looked up, his eyes suddenly bright. “Besides, if this is our last day, we might as well have some fun with it, right?” RIku gave him a look and Sora leaned against his chest. “You know I love you, right?”

Riku smiled, and opened his mouth to reply--

\--

There was a knock on the door--gentle, nervous--but Riku’s eyes snapped awake regardless. He scrubbed a hand down his face, trying to shove away whatever residual feelings the dream had given him, and resisted the urge to hit something.

It wasn’t like violence was going to bring Sora back. He’d already tried that much to Mickey’s disappointment. But hell, at the rate they were going, nothing was going to bring Sora back, so he might as fucking well.

It took a moment to reorient himself. These fucking dreams had to stop. He couldn’t keep doing this. Sora was _ gone _ and it looked like he wasn’t going to come back. And dreaming about how things had been... If Riku didn’t stop, it was going to drive him insane..

“Riku?” A soft voice filtered in through the room. Riku let out a sigh and kicked his legs over the bed. “Riku, it’s me. Can I come in?”

Riku repressed the violent urges that had bubbled up, refusing to look back at the bed. If he tried hard enough, he would see the faint outline where Sora had been all those weeks ago. 

He shoved those thoughts out of his head and cleared his throat. “Yeah, Kairi. It’s fine.”

The door opened, soft, quiet, almost painfully slow as Kairi stepped in. She wasn’t dressed like she was about to go training - he knew they had training today. But neither of them would head out so early. A quick glance to the window confirmed that the sun was barely peeking over the horizon, and by all means, they should both be asleep.

Kairi said nothing for a moment, watching him from the doorway. “Glad to see that you’re finally back,” she said. “For a while there, I thought you were avoiding me.”

Riku gave her a small smile. “I wouldn’t, Kairi. You know that.” 

She let out a hum that made it obvious that she knew he was lying as she approached the bed. Riku gently patted the space next to him, but she stayed in front of him, looking down at him. 

“You okay?” she asked.

Riku closed his eyes. And for that moment, he could see Sora there, all energy and excitement. For a moment, Riku wished he’d been better at replying to all those stupid, inane Gummi texts that Sora sent. There were so many, and Riku had kept pushing them off, assuming that there would always be another one. He had been too busy, and he could deal with it later.

But then the moment passed, and Riku opened his eyes. “Yeah,” he said. His voice was rougher than usual, but then, he _ did _just wake up. “You?”

Kairi continued to stare at him. Riku didn’t say anything. He didn’t know if he was too tired, too exhausted, too… _ something _, but he just stared blankly at her shoulder.

“No, Riku,” she said slowly. He froze; that got his attention. “I’m _ not _ okay. One of my best friends is gone, after somehow bringing me back from an attack I _ should _ have been able to defend from, and my _ other _ best friend might as well be, considering how distant and standoffish he’s been!”

Riku was not awake enough for this. “Kairi--” he started.

“No,” Kairi said. 

Riku instantly shut up. Her voice left no room for an argument. And from the way she was shaking in what looked like _ rage _, Riku wasn’t going to even try. 

Kairi let out a long, slow exhale and repeated herself. “_ No _ , Riku. You don’t just get to look at my funny memes, send a fucking thumbs up, and go on your merry way world hopping while I’m _ stuck _ here. I’m really fucking sad too, okay? I miss him! I miss Sora, and I know you do, but I can't _ talk _ to anyone about it. Yen Sid is all about ‘if you study, then you’ll find him,’ Mickey went back home to research, everyone _ left to go home _ , and I can’t go anywhere! I can’t just go back to Destiny Islands while Sora is fucking _ gone _ and you’re practically a zombie-- and it’s not _ fair _!”

The pit in Riku’s stomach dropped. “I just--” and then he felt something wet touch his cheek and he looked up to see that Kairi was crying. Shit. “Kairi, I--”

“Look I…” She took a deep breath and wiped at her face. “I’m sorry. I’m so _ mad _ at everything right now, and you’re not helping. You’re not the problem, but… I just…” She plopped onto the bed next to Riku. “Just… stop disappearing, okay? Please? Stop vanishing, stop hoping that maybe you’ll see Sora if you turn a corner in the last world he was in.” 

She let out a shaky exhale and wrapped her arms around Riku. He rasied a hand to rest it on her arm.

“But if you won’t,” Kairi said into Riku’s shoulder, “at least bring me along this time.”

“I’m sorry,” Riku said, staring straight ahead. “It’s not your fault. I know it’s not but I should've gone _ with _ him.”

“You boys and your stupid stupidness about going at it alone,” Kairi mumbled. “And here I thought Sora was all about friends sticking together.”

“That’s what I thought!” Riku exclaimed. “But he was so gung ho, and I didn’t want to disappoint him or correct him in front of the king. I trusted him, and yet…”

And it was like a wall that Riku had kept up for weeks crumbled in a matter of seconds. And it _ hurt _. It hurt so bad because Sora was gone. It wasn’t like he’d known it, but somehow saying it, voicing the problem aloud made it tangible. 

And no amount of training or world hopping could avoid it. 

_ Fuck _.

Riku lowered his head into his hands because he wasn’t going to just cry in front of Kairi. One of them had to keep composure. But then Kairi wrapped her arms around Riku’s shoulders, and the dam broke.

“Fuck, I’m sorry,” Riku said. He didn’t even think Kairi could hear it, but she squeezed him tighter. “Kairi, I’m so sorry. This is all my fault. We weren’t strong enough and he paid the price and now we’ll never see him again. I’m… never going to see him again.”

“I’m sure we will,” Kairi said softly. “And when we do, we can kick his ass for making us wait like this. It’s not good for my mental health, waiting for people to come back from the dead.”

Riku snorted, which was an awful combination with all the tears, and just cried, holding onto Kairi’s arm like it was a lifeboat and he was drowning.

Eventually, his tears slowed, or perhaps he’d run out of tears to cry at all, and he wiped his face halfheartedly. 

“We have to tell his parents,” Riku said quietly. Kairi leaned back, eyes wide, but Riku shrugged. “They still think we’re off saving the world. They have no idea what’s happened.”

“Riku,” Kairi said. “Just because everything is falling to pieces doesn’t mean the world completely stops.” He shot her a look, and she gave a halfhearted shrug. “I went with King Mickey to tell them.” The air seemed to vanish from the room. Riku deflated. Kairi rubbed his arm. “Don’t worry -- we said you couldn’t be there because you were traversing the worlds, trying to bring him back.”

“Which… I was?” Riku asked, because he couldn’t honestly remember. 

But he remembered the sheer fear, shock, and horror, when had Kairi stepped into Yen Sid’s tower, eyes raw and red, and with no Sora beside her. He vaguely remembered running past her after asking about Sora and jumping into his own Gummi Ship.

Riku lowered his head. “I was such an asshole.”

“A bit,” Kairi agreed. “But we’ll get through this. All of it, okay? Just don’t… shut me out. Not again.”

Riku nodded. “I’m so—“ 

He stopped when Kairi put a hand over his mouth. He looked up to her and she rolled her eyes. “Don’t apologize. Yes, you were an asshole. No, I didn’t deserve it. But I’ve accepted your apology, okay? That’s what friends do.”

They stared at each other for a long moment before Riku nodded. Kairi removed her hand from his mouth and folded her hands in her lap.

There was a long moment where they sat quietly on the bed, not looking at one another, simply just existing beside each other. Riku exhaled, realizing he enjoyed the feeling of having a friend at his side.

“Riku? Do you mind if I just… crash here for a few hours with you?” Riku turned to look at Kairi, who was still staring straight ahead. “It’s fine if not, but—“

“It’s fine,” Riku said, cutting her off.

She exhaled, nodding. “It’s just… my room has been so lonely. There’s no one here except us and I just…”

Riku wrapped an arm around Kairi’s shoulders. He could feel how tense she was, how rigid each muscle felt, and he realized he’d been an awful friend. He was so focused on Sora that once his brain had processed that Kairi was alive, he just let her exist without a lifeline. 

His arm tightened even more around her.

“Kairi, it’s fine. We might as well crash - we have to be up early anyway.”

Neither of them moved for a moment. The wind was soft outside the window, and for the time first since Sora had been gone, Riku realized just how peaceful it was. 

Sad, but it certainly had some kind of charm.

Eventually, she nodded stiffly. They both attempted to climb into the bed, which became an awkward movement of limbs. The bed had been plenty big enough for Riku and Sora to share, but with Kairi in it, it seemed almost like there was too much space. Like he was losing her all over again and he hadn’t even realized.

Kairi snuggled up to him. Riku absentmindedly kissed the top of her forehead, before letting sleep claim him.

—

Later, much later, the whole gang was on Destiny Island. Hayner and Roxas raced on the beach; Namine and Xion created sand creations. 

Riku actually had joined in on the fun, somehow. He actually allowed himself to laugh, and relax, and he knew Kairi had done the same.

But as the activities continued on, Riku noticed Kairi retreating, ending up on the tree that they--Sora included-- used to play on. So, as stealthily as he possibly could, Riku trekked up to the small island, approaching behind the tree that Kairi sat upon.

As he climbed on the other side of the tree, the cheers and shouts of excitement seemed to fade away. He nudged her gently, and she nodded.

“I miss him,” she said simply. 

Without looking over, she reached for his hand. Riku took it without hesitation, and squeezed it gently.

“Me too.”


End file.
